I didn’t have many friends in school. Today, I talk to maybe one friend once in a blue moon from that era. I had some friends in uni. Today, I talk to maybe one or two friends from that era, once in a blue moon. I’ve only ever worked from home. I never even had a chance to make ‘work friendships’ that would blossom into regular friendships.

Is it a surprise I’m so lonely?

I spent the last few months trying to make friends off dating apps. Sometimes intentionally, sometimes unintentionally. Always being very clear about it so anybody swiping on me doesn’t get the wrong idea. It seems that courtesy is only one-sided, anyway. But I want to be courteous. I want to be honest.

I find that everyone is too busy. Everyone already has friends from school, from uni, from work with whom they are spending their time. Phases of life where I wasn’t happy with myself, or the world. Nobody, today, is ever truly available. I can only ask two times, three times before it looks like the relationship is already unbalanced. And there isn’t even any relationship there, is it, just yet?

What these dating apps (when used for dating) have given me is some nice, relatable reels on Instagram to smile at. Momentary laughter.