one half of me wants to go jogging nearly everyday. eat well. power through poor eating habits and avoid midnight snacking and evening snacking and snacking.

one half of me wants to give up. lie in bed. indulge. emotional eating. don’t shower. sleep a lot. ice cream. fries.

and maybe we’re all like this. constantly at war inside our heads. maybe we’re not all like this. that would explain why some of us feel so tired and others…don’t.

i saw this post on instagram:

Me: I don’t know why I’m so tired, I haven’t done anything today.

Also me: Was full of anxiety, hyper-vigilant, tense, unable to relax, feeling like something terrible was about to happen, and preparing for danger all day.

Maybe that’s why.

i worry so much. i over-think. always anxious. shoulders hurt. shoulders look disfigured even.

in a rare moment of a victory over my monkey brain, i kept my phone away within minutes of getting in bed last night. no more 2 hours of scrolling. i just thought thoughts, and went into sleep peacefully.

we used to do that, you know. i remember when i was in school, that was every night. quietly thinking things and falling asleep. it was a good way to process nothing and everything.

our phones are terrible devices.

🎧 Snow Patrol — Made of Something Different Now