It’s been hard.

I haven’t had a weekend “off,” in a while. Like, really, off. No traveling. No cute cafés. Just…a boring, relaxing weekend off. It’s catching up with me at work, at life, and…everywhere.

I don’t want to mask. I don’t feel so social right now. I don’t want to do anything. I feel exhausted. Sometimes I play video games and they are stimulating. But…

House-hunting for The Big City has been hard, already. Because we are bachelor women, and freelancers on top of that, we don’t deserve the nicer houses that traditional families do. Deserve is, surprisingly, the keyword there.

I lost my favourite umbrella last weekend. Someone just took off with it while it was drying. The security person I had given it to wasn’t around. I hate people sometimes… I’ve just been sad for days about that now. It was a special umbrella to me. It was orange and it was mine.

I just… want to be okay. And I don’t feel okay right now.

There is no one thing that has happened. I just…feel off. As though I’m floating on a raft in a sea and the sea is calm but there are loud noises I don’t recognise, and there’s no one around so the vastness of the world, and the aloofness of me is all so…here and now. The fear and the looking away from it.

I want out. Take me away.

🎧 Avril Lavigne — Take Me Away