My best friend is so busy we haven’t caught up since 2 months. She takes days to reply to texts.

My close, queer friend lives in New York and also is so busy with work and life. We’re very fun when we’re together in the same physical space, or when we plan a phone call. It’s not often, but it’s nice. I’m anxious about talking to him right now because he hasn’t responded to most reels I shared with him on Instagram. Am I not likable enough? Is my taste questionable? Modern life.

My therapist is away and returns later this week.

Nomi and I held hands. Not in the interlocking-fingers kind of way. In a gentle I-know-where-you-are-if-we-do-this kind of way. Palm to palm. I’m bad at explaining this. It was really cute. In a way, it felt like a vote. Maybe she will want to see me again after this. Despite breaking my story to her.

She’s tipsy right now. I wish I was too. So I could text her. But I’ve been wondering for days now…am I overbearing? Annoying? Frustrating? Texting too much? Sending too many reels? Expecting too much? Wanting too much? Am I a headache?

Those are all the people I think about in my life almost everyday. Except my therapist. I think more often of my therapy sessions. Not my therapist. Obviously.

And they’re all… I feel disconnected.