I’m losing patience.
When it was still a “maybe” with Nomi, I think I had a little bit of hope in life about finding a partner. I am glad it’s over. I am sad it’s over. I am angry it’s over.
I keep thinking I’ll make a post on reddit about how this is a “core need” for me — a partner, someone to grow up and old with. And what happens when a core need isn’t met?
Although I finally restarted my medication today (a cause for joy), I am instead lashing out. I lashed out at these service folks. I shouldn’t have. Not so much.
I am not particularly angry at Nomi, just at my circumstances. The realities of my existence. I chased a contentment of the vessel we are given for this planet, something most of us already have at birth, I am now in a place where perhaps the joy of a partner will never be real again.
It feels unfair. What if this is all the romantic love I was ever supposed to get?
I’ll say the words that were so hard to say… don’t go.
Snow Patrol
🎧 Snow Patrol — What If This Is All The Love You Ever Get?