Star (a friend match on Hinge) and I were having a conversation and I told her that I think I need new friends, that I have grown out of all my old friendships. Didn’t have many to begin with, but it’s time to let go and seek new relationships built with communication and mutual respect and more — not by proximity.
That’s…starting to happen. I met one new friend this weekend. Olivia. It was really fun. Very intellectually stimulating. We definitely hit it off in that department. She also has a couple of friends I would like to meet someday. And that’s how you make friends, right? She’s cis-het, but that’s OK. I didn’t feel invalidated or like I had to educate her on my labels. And I felt safe.
Almost thought she wouldn’t show up. Wondered if she thought the same. At one point I wondered if the profile was “fake” and I’d see a guy sitting there. Even though I haven’t had such experiences myself, I do get a little fearful because others have.
We’re gonna hang out again. Even if to do mundane shit. Or co-work.
Next weekend, I’ll meet another person I started speaking with in November and December last year. Nia. We haven’t spoken much since, but reading the chats back, it was actually quite decent. It should be good, I guess? Trying not to put the bar up for me.
Sometimes I feel like everything will be fine. I’ll be fine. Then that feeling goes away. And I feel really hollow.