When I separated from my partner in late 2021, and then left what I called home for so many years in early 2022, I came up with a list soon after. Was it mid-2022? Possibly. So you see, it took me a few months, but I realised I needed a list to get better and keep myself accountable. This list is now here. Why? Because Vero has a cool, new zine out you should buy. And it inspired me.

These rules were only ever in my private journal. They are not polished. This post is not polished.

New rules.

1. I do not compare my life milestones and journey with cis-het people. It’s so far apart these two realities that there’s literally no upside to doing this except pain. You like pain. But we’re not doing pain for a while. Ok?
2. No more music. I have a shitty relationship with music, and it’s best I don’t stoke it. Especially in times like these. Negative music makes me feel extra negative. Why would you do that to yourself?
3. No more mental health memes. They are negative and they fuel negativity as well. Get off Instagram, woman.

Getting better.

1. It might be nice to travel the country. Figure it out.
2. Move to The Big City when you’re financially and emotionally ready. An empty flat will eat you up. Find friends. Find the energy. Have a fallback.
3. Consider seeing a therapist again. You want them to be queer themselves? Ok, but you have to try to find one.
4. Go to queer meet-ups even if it’s expensive (because hotel, travel, etc.). Those “friendships” are kinda important.
5. Comparison is natural. So even if I don’t want to compare, it will happen. I need to figure out a way to deal with these feelings when they happen.
6. Meditate, everyday. Quiet your mind. We both know your mind is running on steroids even though you’ve never taken them. Strange things are truer than you think sometimes.
7. Exercise. All this research is out there. Why are you not helping your body?
8. Audio affirmations. Could use a podcast or just an audiobook? Do anything. Be that character in this world who’s walking and listening to affirmations and repeating them as they pass through the subway seeing this whole planet in a daze as you do so.