I want to be spending as little time as possible behind screens. The challenge for me is when I don’t do that (outside of work), I am filled with dread and time flies and it’s Monday again and it’s Monday again and it’s Friday but it’s really Monday and it’s time to start work and then I hate my life because why must we work?! Sigh.

In some good news, I like how I’ve goaded myself out of Instagram reels over the last couple of weeks. Any “downtime,” I use it to try and watch a single thing: a TV show, or part a movie. Not a hundred 5 to 10 second long shorts. I mean, I still do do that sometimes, but it’s not all the time every day.

Oh. The weekend. I wasn’t here. I thought I’d blog but I never really had my groove come to me. I’m not sure it is here today, right now, either.

But… I went out for a solo drive yesterday. Just around…town. Gyms were closed. I’ve been wanting to join one. Especially because with my weird work hours, the climate in this part of the world, and my own safety as a woman, gyms are the only place I can jog with a bit of peace. I can’t understand gyms being closed on Sundays.

So I put on some sappy songs and drove around and ran some low-key errands. Buying a few groceries for mum, getting her one of her favourite dishes she hadn’t had in years, having tea at this restaurant, getting some cash from the bank for everyday expenses.

On sappy songs… Nomi shared this on Instagram and could anything be more true ever in this universe?

It felt strange to be doing all of this alone, running these errands. It feels strange that when I move out of home, I’ll be doing all of this – and more – alone. I wasn’t angry. Just… confused. What did I do to get to this point? Do I deserve this?

A part of me wanted to keep driving. Really far away. As if that would change who I am and what I knew.

Been a couple days since I’ve been around
Woke up at the wheel on the edge of town
It all looked the same, every mile
Screaming every word of “Both Sides Now”

I don’t wanna give, I don’t wanna give too much
I don’t wanna feel, I don’t wanna feel at all

‘Cause nights turn into days
That turn to grey
Keep turning over
Some things never grow
I know alone like no one else does

🎧 HAIM — I Know Alone