As written on 30 Aug 2024.

I was bitter yesterday. So much that I stayed up until 2:30am playing video games. I don’t get to play those often now. And when I do, I am aware of how they screw my life up — and how not playing games is better for my body in more ways than one. For my brain? At least in the short term, it’s not that great.

Here’s a list of things I like about waking up after a regular night compared to after game-nights:

• Easier to get out of bed. Less pain all over the body. When everything hurts less, you can physically push yourself to get up.
• One alarm is usually enough. When body isn’t begging for more rest, it’s more happy to play along.
• My mind is able to push through the morning, and make use of pre-office time. There is time, and I don’t feel grumpy.
• Tiredness doesn’t hit quickly if I have a list of things to do that I’m working through. Mental stamina is…higher.

And yet, because I had a full work week, Monday through Thursday, with no time for anything else on any of those days, my brain gave up and wanted revenge. Revenge in the form of gaming and staying up late. A build up across 4 days.

It didn’t matter that I had to get up on time to make my flight, that I had to pack, that I had to wash dishes, that I had to lock the house up for time away. Nothing else mattered. Just pure zoning out via video games was all that my mind wanted to lock into. And it did. And it was fun.

The morning was harsh though I managed to make my flight on time. Because brain was tired, I didn’t enjoy any music or any content. So I just looked at the back of the seat in front of me. A couple sat ahead. A couple sat to my left. The windows weren’t properly aligned for me to look out without straining my neck.

For some people, this is just life. Talking about how the butter served with their meal isn’t actually proper butter, how the airline food has taken a hit in recent times. Talking about finances, the next vacation, or the book they are reading. Resting one’s head on their partner’s shoulder. After a while, you take all of it for granted. Unless you’ve been broken up for a long time, you don’t really realise that you want that too. That you miss it so much. You just want to exist with another person. In real time. In real life. Speak your inner thoughts as a live stream when possible.

I’m here in my second favourite city. Only for 3 days in all. It feels short. But it’s a change to my regular life. And there’s a bit of company. When I go back, I have a huge list of tasks waiting on me.

I wanted to be creative in my time off, but it looks like I won’t have much time to dedicate to that.

Life is like gaming, isn’t it? You want to play it, but you’re stuck with “office” hours. Even on your time off.