Been wanting to come and write here for a while. So much has been happening. And yet, nothing. Why do we humans feel like this, sometimes?

I want to talk about so many things, but I guess that’s a bit too unrealistic.

I’m back at home from my favourite sea-side city. Been settling in. Been decorating the house, been buying basic things that should have bought a long time ago.

My doctor last week laughed and diagnosed me with type-2 diabetes. I guess humour is one way of delivering bad news. I’m more upset with him (and myself) that he wasn’t instilling fear in me when I was prediabetic (last 1.5 years). On my part, I didn’t research about diabetes at all. And I usually research things a lot. Turns out, once you have it, you have it. I did not know this. If I had…

Now I’m stuck with it.

Goal 1 is to reduce weight drastically and improve my diet further. I think I was doing an OK job these last few months, but I’ve gotta tighten my screws and go from OK to great. The idea is to reach remission. Remission is when my blood sugar is that of a non-diabetic’s without the aid of medication.

Goal 2 is to forever be in remission. A lifetime of good sleep, low stress, healthy dietary choices, and near-daily exercise. Is it a little too optimistic? Maybe. But that is my goal.

I read this account on reddit. When this person stopped blaming themselves for “screwing up” (exactly how I feel), and forgave themselves, that’s when their stress and guilt went down and they could focus more on managing their health.

I’ll meet my doctor in 4 months’ time and we’ll see where we are. I’ve been asked to show 3–4kg worth of weight loss. I want to do that, and more.

And, I suppose, between my two goals, I need to forgive myself somehow, somewhere. For screwing up.

🎧 The Innocence Mission — Rain