Attachment… that is my problem. You see, I have a regulation problem. I am learning to regulate my emotions as a very old woman (or young, depends how you look at it). Maybe there is no “right” age for that, though, right? If I’m being kind to myself, and others in shoes similar to mine.

But I don’t regulate how I spread my emotional needs with people very well. That is another task.

And I fear that even with that done well, there are certain people I am too attached too. I want to spend all my time with them. When they tell me they’re hanging out with someone else/doing something else, it does hurt at first.

And that’s not great for me. I think it is a natural emotion. Envy. At the same time, I do question if that’s an emotion I should be feeling. Does feeling it mean my social life is a failure? That I’m too invested in one, or a few, person?

I’m trying to make more plans with other folks I met on The Apps a while back (like a year ago?). Slowly roaring my Bumble BFF back to life. Contemplative days continue. Days of no expectations continue. How can one have no expectations?